


sincere prayers / total despair

by awesomems



Series: perceived loss [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Matchmaker Natasha Romanov, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, She tries, Soulmates, but in a more real sense, ofc is her friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28654029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomems/pseuds/awesomems
Summary: bucky was the only person for steve, and he's gone.//follow up tohere i stand todaybut can be read alone
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), briefly - Relationship
Series: perceived loss [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099943
Kudos: 11





	sincere prayers / total despair

**Author's Note:**

> i literally wrote this in JUNE but i didn't know what to title it so it just sat there, until i rewatched ca:tws and went looking for it
> 
> title from "ya watani" by a-wa

2012

he stands in the middle of a street in new york, across from a man who introduced himself as fury. he still doesn’t entirely believe that the things he’s said are true (he can’t think of a reason why this man would lie about that, but what is he supposed to think after finding out he’s been asleep for 67 years?), but he reaches for his chest and doesn’t feel anything.

“is something wrong?” fury asks.

“i was wearing a necklace, with a ring…when i crashed. what happened to it?” he’s later given a box of his belongings that he’s honestly surprised someone kept around, and there’s the ring at the top. he clutches it tight as he lets a few tears fall, before fastening it at back around his neck to keep on him at all times.

2014

natasha is the other agent he goes on most s.h.i.e.l.d. missions with, and she’s great, really. he likes her as a friend, but she keeps trying to set him up on dates, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell her he’s not _ready_ to “get back out there”, so to speak. but, one day, he humors her. how bad could it be?

her name is atara, and she’s a friend of natasha’s. they have a lot in common, and she’s kind, funny, and really beautiful, and if the circumstances were any different, he would love to see her again. he’s not sure who kisses first, but he is the one who pulls away first.

“i’m sorry,” he says. “i just ― it’s not you. i just thought i was ready to move on, but i am _not_.”

“oh. like an ex?” she empathizes. 

“not exactly. uh, he… he died, a few years ago.”

“i’m sorry.”

the next day, natasha asks him how it went, and he tells the truth.“atara’s great, but i’m not ready. there was only one person for me, and he’s gone.” 

natasha didn’t know what to do with that, given she has no idea who this “one person” is. to her knowledge, steve was never married, and although she obviously understands you can be in a committed and meaningful relationship outside of marriage, there had never been any mention of a person who meant this much to him before.

she pulls some files and looks at some dates, and then at steve’s face when he sees the winter soldier’s, and mentally facepalms for not connecting the dots sooner. 

2017

he sits with bucky on the edge of the cliff outside the vibranium mine, underneath the statue of bast, watching the sun dip below the horizon. they’ve come back to their relationship, but it’s hard to go on real dates when you’re both on the run from apparently 117 world governments. 

there are memories in the orange-pink of the wakandan sunset, namely the one attached to the ring trapped between steve’s palm and his chest. bucky is thinking the same thing, and he says, “it was like this when i proposed to you, right?”

“yeah. yeah, it was.” he removes his hand, showing bucky the ring from where it’s been for 73 years.

“you still keep it on you?” he marveled. 

“i never took it off. it’s always been you.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i reference my proposal fic, [four questions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23572555), in this but you don't need to read that first either, it just goes more into detail on how i think bucky would've proposed to steve 
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!


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